When our children are born, we enter into parenthood without a clear map of the adventures that await us. Our deepest desire is to nurture our children, ensuring they grow up healthy, supported, and loved. However, when parenting gender-diverse children, this journey can present unique challenges. Although I’m not a parent of a transgender or gender-diverse child myself, I recognize the significance of establishing safe spaces where children and their families can flourish.
But where should parents of transgender or gender-diverse children, as well as allies, begin this journey?
About Daring Adventures:
In her newly released book titled “Daring Adventures” (available for $16.95 from ACTA Publications and Amazon), Rachel Cornwell, an author, Christian pastor, and mother of three, candidly shares her personal experiences as a parent of a transgender child. Rachel considers it her calling to assist parents and families of gender-diverse children in embracing their faith while also fully accepting and affirming their children. Her book, however, is not exclusively for parents; it’s a must-read for anyone who cares about the well-being of transgender and gender-diverse children.
Rachel’s unwavering commitment to “learning, growing, and creating more safe spaces where kids and families will be welcomed with open arms and surrounded with the love and support they need and deserve” is a pledge that all parents should embrace. Her book offers profound insights, honesty, and compassion, stemming from a place of love.
I’ve had the privilege of knowing Rachel for several years. While I can’t recall the exact moment we met, I distinctly remember learning that her youngest child now identifies as a boy when we ran into each other at our local REI store.
“He goes by Evan now,” she confidently shared during our conversation near the bike section. Since that moment, he has been Evan.
I consider myself fortunate to have Rachel in my life. She has imparted invaluable knowledge on how to love and support transgender and gender-fluid children, both in my classroom and community. I’m genuinely delighted that she’s sharing her experiences through “Daring Adventures.” As evident from Rachel’s insights, wisdom, and authenticity, her guidance is invaluable for parents and community members who are committed to nurturing gender-diverse children.
Advice for Parents Navigating the Journey with Gender-Diverse Children:
Leticia: Thank you for your openness in sharing your parenting journey and being vulnerable as you help others. For parents who are embarking on this daring adventure and may be feeling overwhelmed after finishing your book, what steps should they take next?
Rachel Cornwell: I hope that if your family is embarking on this daring adventure with a gender-diverse child, this book has provided some relief from feelings of worry and overwhelm. However, if you’ve completed the book and still feel overwhelmed, I recommend taking a couple of initial steps:
First, initiate conversations with your partner and your child about the concepts and insights from the book that were new to you and the questions it may have raised. Each chapter includes reflection questions that can serve as prompts for these discussions. For example, questions like “List the many ways you love your child unconditionally. Put that list on your refrigerator door” or “Write a simple ‘boundaries statement’ with and for your nuclear or extended family on when, why, to whom, and how you will share information on your child’s gender identity. Revisit the statement at least once a year and update it as necessary.”
If your family is not fully aligned in understanding your child’s transition or exploration of their gender identity, attempt to collaboratively develop a plan and timeline for moving forward that everyone can agree upon. Additionally, if your child is experiencing mental health challenges (which may or may not be linked to their gender identity), addressing those issues should be the top priority for all involved.
Secondly, I encourage families to seek support from an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist, clergy member, or support group. Parents, as well as children and youth, require safe spaces for processing, asking questions, and receiving emotional and spiritual support throughout this journey.
Lastly, ask yourself if there are any additional resources you need to make informed decisions for both yourself and your child. Are you in need of more information regarding gender-affirming healthcare, the steps for changing names and gender markers, or school policies related to transgender and non-binary students? Create a list of questions and information you need to gather as you support your child on this journey.
Advice for School Staff Supporting Gender-Diverse Students:
Leticia: Teachers often become trusted adults in their students’ lives. What advice do you have for school staff to help gender-diverse students thrive in their classrooms?
Rachel Cornwell: Teachers play a crucial role in providing support and creating safe spaces for gender-diverse children. I hope that educators and other school staff members take the time to educate themselves about the experiences of gender-diverse youth, enabling them to offer the best possible support.
Here are some specific suggestions:
- Declare your classroom as a safe space by displaying pride flags and, when appropriate, sharing your own pronouns.
- Make books and other media available in which transgender and non-binary individuals are represented.
- Respect students’ preferred names and pronouns in the classroom, while keeping in mind that this can sometimes become complex depending on district or school policies and parental support.
- If your school doesn’t already have a Gender Sexuality Alliance (GSA), consider taking the initiative to start one. The mere presence of a GSA, even if LGBTQ+ students choose not to participate, contributes to a more inclusive and welcoming environment for gender-diverse students.
Positive Social Media Accounts and Resources for Youth:
Leticia: Social media can be both a blessing and a curse, but there’s no doubt that representation matters on the platforms our children love. Are there Instagram accounts, TikTokers, or hashtags that you recommend as sources of positivity, acceptance, and empowerment for today’s young people?
Rachel Cornwell: Absolutely, there are some great accounts and resources to consider:
- Schuyler Bailer (Instagram: @PinkMantaray)
- The Gender Cool Project
- Dylan Mulvaney (TikTok)
However, I must admit that I’m not personally active on TikTok!
Online Resources and Groups for Parents Advocating for Gender-Diverse Children:
Leticia: Are there other online accounts or Facebook groups that you recommend for parents looking to become advocates for gender-diverse children?
Rachel Cornwell: Certainly, here are some valuable resources and individuals to follow:
- Jamie Brusehoff
- Chase Strangio (Facebook and Instagram)
- The Conscious Kid (Website, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter)
- Kyl Myers (Website, Facebook, and Instagram)
- Parents of Transgender Children (Private group on Facebook)
- Real Mama Bears (Website)
- Two Trans Teachers (Podcast by Flint and Skye)
Key Pieces of Advice from Your Daring Adventure in Parenting Gender-Diverse Children:
Leticia: What are some of the most helpful pieces of advice you’ve received during your daring adventure in parenting gender-diverse children?
Rachel Cornwell:
- Stay curious and open: It’s crucial to remain open-minded and curious as your child’s journey unfolds. When my son was 7 years old and had socially transitioned from female to male, our therapist reminded us that it would be okay for him to change his mind about his gender identity in the future. This initially perplexed me because we had invested a lot of effort in supporting his transition. However, the therapist reminded me that my child was still young and had a lot of growth and self-discovery ahead of him. This taught me the importance of staying open and curious throughout this evolving journey.
- Trust your child: While it may seem like many young people today are exploring their gender and sexuality, it’s possible that your child has been grappling with these questions for a long time, even if they’re only now finding the right language to express themselves. Listening and learning without overreacting is essential. By providing your child with the time, space, and support they need, they will thrive with your ongoing love and support.
- Every family’s journey is unique: During the writing of my book, I had the privilege of interviewing over 20 families from different parts of the United States. Their children varied in age and stage regarding their gender journey. Although I identified some common themes, each child’s path is unique. Family experiences are influenced by various factors such as culture, faith traditions, family structure, and more. While there is a community of parents embarking on this journey together, remember that you are also following your own distinct path. Trust yourself and your child.
What Lies Ahead After the Book’s Publication:
Leticia: Now that your book is published, what’s next for you?
Rachel Cornwell: I am relishing the opportunity to engage with people about the book through readings, podcasts, and book groups. I hope that anyone seeking to support a gender-diverse child and looking for a starting point will find this book beneficial. I would be delighted to speak with your group about this book or the topic. Please don’t hesitate to reach out, and follow my Daring Adventures Facebook page for updates related to the book.
“Daring Adventures” is available for $16.95 from ACTA Publications and Amazon.
